This week's promise: God has mercy on those who suffer Why am I suffering? Doesn't God care about me? ""Teacher," his disciples asked him, "why was this man born blind? Was it a result of his own sins or those of his parents?" "It was not because of his sins or his parents' sins," Jesus answered." John 9:1-3 NLT Sometimes the suffering that comes to us is not our fault. It just happens. In this case, how we react to the suffering is the key.

I get an e-mail every morning (sometimes it comes later in the day) from LeftBehind.com .  It's enlightening and makes me turn a lot of stuff over in my head.  Today's hit me pretty good because I've been struggling as of late.  I just haven't been the fully functional James for the past couple weeks after the break-up, mostly due to someone turning their back.  *sigh*  How can you stop someone from making a HUGE mistake that they have already made?  Shouldn't they know it's bound to happen again?  Is there something I'm missing here?  It could be that she is so blind to the situation that she doesn't even see it coming.  Am I supposed to be there for her after it happens?  Or am I supposed to be a complete jerk to her and tell her she had her chance and that I'm not there to pick her up only to keep her down?

Last night I had a revelation in my bed.  I have a lot of revelations late at night and some of them are quite amazing.  I usually find what is bugging me as of late and last night I told myself that I want to live life on the higher road, the narrow path, the longest path, the one that requires the most challenge in life;  also the one that leads to the greatest happiness anyone can achieve on this God-graced Earth.  Not to say I've been living my life in complete darkness, I just stepped back and realized that a lot of people have high-expectations, and why would I want to disappoint those people?  Most of my friends hold me accountable for things I say, do, and what I don't do.  I realized I have to be more of an example, I can't just shrug all of it off and wish someone else would set the trends and help people.  God has blessed me abundantly with talents that I hardly know yet in my life and through his Spirit I can live life to the fullest.

God bless you all!

Well, for anyone who reads this...(no one)...here is our first song for Worth 1 Word !!! Yes, it took about 20 minutes to actually get STARTED on it...but me and Paul accomplished it...it's not totally done, but its put to a basic guitar right now and he's got the verses/intro/outro done, just needs a bridge.

:) The first one is the song, the 2nd is just a bonus I typed out so I figured I'd post...

10/27/04

Out of things tonight...Megan is babysitting...band didn't get together because Alan is busy tonight...everything sorta sucks for tonight...in the mood for writing lyrics...

10/30/04

i feel there's somethin' missing...
something deep inside is gone...
a hole that will never be full...
cemented in this awkward feeling...
is there anything wrong with me?
or am i just dying to live?
i can't say i'm living to die...
that's much too dangerous for these shores...

*Chorus*
where are you tonight?
the world's spinning faster now...
i need someone to hold on to...
these faint dreams do me no good...
where are you tonight?
i'm dying to be with you...
i'm dying just to live...
dreams of you slip away...

i wish i was somewhere else...
i wish i was drowning in your presence...
journals tell of wasted thoughts...
no longer meaningful to anyone...
books only remind us...
time is of the essence...
in the midst of the fire, everything burns...
but my passion for you will survive...

*Chorus*

Where are you tonight?
Are you feeling this too?
i'm dying to live...
living to die is much too dangerous for me...

Well, I'm pretty tired.  Drained. Exhausted.  Yup...Cross country time trials were today.  I was unsure of how I would end up, due to the fact I got my wisdom teeth out 3 weeks ago from this coming Tuesday, and I missed the first two days of practice.  Those two days were crucial.

Well, I built up over the past week before time trials.  Anyways...I decided to run the race I've been racing best with this past summer.  My new strategy involves hanging back on my pace a little bit, and not pushing into a hard run at the start to get out of the pack.  Now, I simply get out a bit fast, so I don't get crushed in the pack, and simply carry on a nice pace.  It worked great today.  My teammate, Tyler, was running with me, and he would surge ahead then lose pace, then surge again.  That annoyed me, so about the 2 and a half mile mark, I decided to annihilate him on the hills.  Eureka!  I ended up beating him by 15 seconds, and getting 5th on the team.  That's good enough for a Varsity spot again, for the 2nd year in a row! 

As for school...it sucks.  Being a sophomore blows.  Even though I'm the President of the Sophomore Class, I don't get anything special.  I deserve a special parking spot, and a special locker (mine is as far from any class as you can possibly be...except for lunch).  Oh well, maybe things will turn out for the best...and all this freaking homework will stop piling on.